I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
