I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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