I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
