it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
