i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk walkin through police station. America
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
