No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
