why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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