So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
