He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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