he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
