Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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