Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
