please come you make the beer taste better
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
