Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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