i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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