did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
