I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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