well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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