The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
