Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
