I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
