I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
