We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He did a backflip because drugs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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