On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
should my penis look like a turkey
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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