I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
