why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
