Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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