just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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