Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
