How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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