Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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