this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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