She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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