Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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