I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
