the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
