Who did Billy Mays play for?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
