That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
