I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
