she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
