Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
