i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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