Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
