the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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