you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BRING THE BAGELS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need water and some morals
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