Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
