bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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