Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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