Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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