i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Randomize
