i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
